So, it's a few weeks old, but I hand wrote it on that date.  It's short...

I want to write truthfully
but at the same time metaphorically
I've lost my voice
On paper, 
and in harmony.
The real question is,
Will it come back to me?
Or will I just be
another idea
another causality. 

This might be a song one day...

And it's NOT about you...


When you lay in your lies and spy on my place and spit in my face with your poison and blood still sewn into lace around my lungs and my roots by the tree at my boots
Rotting the trees
But not rotting me-
You cannot break me or shake me or take me to the hell in your head and under a spell that's already dead but still boils over, like crimson and clover.
I will never die...
I will never lie...
In a bed made for wolves who've just had their last meal starving for death but they ate a raw deal
Death won't come fast it's life that will last and the chains that you grasp are fading the past that you can't forget or forgive or relive, or change or charge for others to see your vision is blurred by all the deceit. 
I will never die...
I will never lie...
Lay before me upon the dead sea and the stars in the sky and the god that you pray to every night...
They are all dead.
They are are dead.
You are all dead,
but I will never die.
You rotted the trees
But you'll never rot me.

(A work in progress)


When Worlds Collide

In the early morning sleepless hours my bedroom is a coffin and I am haunted by sweet memories that freeze me in my slumberless tomb. I reach for a warm body that long has disappeared. Every weightless memory becomes more like a dream as my reality weighs me down deeper and deeper into the mattress. I close my eyes and have visions of another place and time. Skin on skin confessions. Lip locking lightening storms. Explosions and earthquakes and aftershocks manifesting themselves in a trembling leg. Was that real? Did I imagine it all? I open my eyes. I'm back in my room. I slide down deeper. I am buried beneath the floorboards. I cannot move. Just try to breath. Your scent floats from the pillow into my consciousness and I swear I feel your fingertips in my hair and your breath in my ear, "you are so beautiful." It's as if those words did not exist until your lips parted to speak them. Yes, some bridges will burn. I have the matches if you have the kerosene. And yes, some hearts may roll. But nothing ventured nothing gained, right? So this is what I think, maybe fate or destiny is half predetermined and half your own responsibility. Some stories need embellishing. Some stories write themselves. But this story is neither. This story already exists. This story is timeless. I may be crazy. I may be inventing worlds that don't exist anywhere but inside my own thick skull. But I've never been good with reality. Reality is suffocating and paralyzing. My mind can be a fun place to escape to. I want to cross the two. My external and internal realities. All I'm trying to do is find a happy medium. All I'm trying to do is find a home. Somewhere where I feel safe and warm and wanted. Somewhere like your arms. And in my mind, that's where I can always be. So tell me if that is where I should stay, or if we can try to make worlds collide.

Soliloquies in Silence

I'm sitting at my desk with my headphones on. I don't want to be here. It's 7:00 pm and I'm finally getting over my hangover blues and I'm almost feeling human again. Problem is I hate humans so I don't want to feel like one. I'd rather be a cat. Meow. I like talking to myself. Sometimes I use hand gestures and facial expressions but I'm not saying anything and I know I must look crazy if anyone could see me. I always feel like I'm in a movie. Here comes my monologue... I think it's amazing. If only I could capture what I say up there down here, but it would never come out the same. And anyway, some things are better left unsaid.

And so the story goes...

Someone once told me that getting to me was like walking over broken glass from all the hearts I've shattered and left in a trail behind me. I suppose it's my turn to bleed. I've always enjoyed the site of my own blood. Will you be an outlaw for my love? Or am I just a fool who will bleed to death in a pool of broken dreams.

Luv & Blood,


Support Independent Film!

Donate now!!!

I highly recommend watching ALL the videos they have been making for their kickstarter campaign AND to check out their daily promotions.  They are giving away a ton of really cool stuff everyday to people who donate.  I already know people who donated and then won the prize for the day!  I'll even say that if you donate and then email me through facebook or at I will send you a present.  You can choose any movie I'm in, or an 8X10 that I will sign and send to you for free!  So please, donate today and support independent cinema!!!

Luv & Blood,


Bored? How 'bout some music?

So, as promised I am posting some found audio, that I thought I had lost forever when my hard drive crashed.  It is from an old radio show I recorded in 2004 (I think) and it's like a personal time capsule.  I still enjoy the music and I play a lot of local bands, sadly some have broken up but others have not!  Like Love Cinema Vol.6, as far as I know they are still rocking hard and loud, as they should.  I also talk about Jim Van Bebber's movie "My Sweet Satan."  I didn't know Jim at the time, but we are now friends and he is my hero!  So, this first show is dedicated to Charles (Chuck) & George and all members of LCV6 and Mr. James Van Bebber.  Love you guys!!!

Rape Bait Radio Episode 1

I hope you enjoy it and be on the lookout for 4 more episodes!!!

Luv & Blood!


Coming soon

Episodes from my old internet radio show! 5 episodes with awesome music and prank calls!



It has little to do 
with love or not love -
It is minutes and years
and torsion.
Bend and twist
the paper clip
long enough
and it will fall
in pieces - 
you've all heard that
one before.
I am hard pressed
for a better one
I am all in pieces.
Here is the sick part
The healthy part
The sad and happy parts -
all broken
away from each other.
Each part loves 
in an incomplete way -
a finger
a toe
an earlobe.
The love
from fragments
appearing, at times,
to be whole.
Give me the tarantula
any day.

Luv & Blood,

13 & already in Fangoria, go Liam!


SURVIVE! Will you?

indie-gogo The Makrogiannis family have become my second family. I love them ALL so much! Not to mention each and every one of them is so extremely talented. I have been fortunate to work with them on "The Super", "Devil Moon", and "The Turnpike Killer". They are a dying breed of truly independent film makers. Fortunately Evan is passing down to his sons what it is be a TRUE artist. Never compromising, working hard, being loyal, and never ever giving up! I feel so fortunate to not only call them my friends but to be working with them AGAIN! This project is extra special. It was written and being directed by the immensely talented young man Liam Makrogiannis. He is the future of underground independent NYC horror films. We all need to remember where we got our start. Who's help will never be forgotten or where we wouldn't be without certain people. This is YOUR chance to ensure quality horror films still have a future and say FUCK YOU to Hollywood! Don't just do it for the people who are making it, or acting in it. Do it for the entire horror community. We need to support each other. Live together or die alone. Please check out the indie-gogo page. I know everyone is trying to raise money these days. Times are rough, we can all agree on that. That's why it is so important to help with any contribution you can. Support the future of horror! Support SURVIVE!!! A little bit about the movie... SURVIVE: The Film Makers Written and directed by 13 year old Liam Makrogiannis. Liam is known for his acting work in the award winning films, The Turnpike Killer, The Devil's Toy and The Super. His most noted work, however, is Devil Moon, a short film, which he wrote and starred in. Special effects for Survive by 15 year old Johnny Dickie. He is best known for writing, acting, directing and creating his own FX in his feature film Slaughter Tales. VHS collectors also know Johnny as the face behind the webzine Video Vendetta. The director of photography is New York Film Academy trained Japanese cinematographer Reiki Tsuno. His zombie movie short "Paddy and Me" was nominated at Tromadance 2012 and Buffalo Screams 2011. Evan Makrogiannis, award winning co-writer and director of The Turnpike Killer and The Super is script manager and collaborator for Survive. Produced by Nik Taneris, New York Horror Film Productions Please contact me if you contribute and I PROMISE to also include special gifts. I have a store on my website, pick something out and it's yours! Luv & Blood! Ruby


Cleaning it up to make it messy again.

I can trace the word, It's a swollen space, It talks to me. And if I'm bought and sold; Then I'm cruising in on a dead end street. Put me in your hand, Drown the rat the gnaws at me. Your blood is on the bed, And I'm crushed under your memory.


Passed on Any Future Awareness

My iron tongue
My brain
Down, down, down.
My brain
Is at war
With my body
My body
Is at war
With my heart
My heart
Is at war
With itself
And has a death wish.
Warring body parts
Rusty wiring of habit
Reaching backwards
For a modern approach
A cybernetic connection
To consciousness.
We were
A plateau
But got
A dressed up
Of solitude.


WTF Fest Blog #4

I am in the coastal town of Astoria Washington in a small smokey room with the legendary John Sinclair. For some reason I cannot stop smiling when I am with him and it makes him smile and that makes me feel like someone started an oven in my stomach and a big boiling pot of creative alphabet soup is cooking and about to bubble over. He said he was supposed to be writing when I walked in, and I said, so was I but I lacked motivation or inspiration, but that quickly dissipated. His energy is electric and contagious. I like that. So we smoked our cigarettes like high school kids smoking in the bathroom, feeling rebellious and not giving a fuck, and now all you hear is the clattering of the keys on our keyboards. What a beautiful sound. I wish they were typewriters, that would sound like a symphony. There are people cooking and baking in the kitchen. They are people making art in the basement. There are waves crashing to shore right outside the window. I should be crashing, I've been tired and jet lagged, in pain from my surgery, mentally torn apart, physically run down, but I hear all the laughter and voices and I refuse to give into the pain or anything for that matter. I hear Dave Archer singing, Amy Bugbee baking, Shyla & Shane talking in the basement while creating together. It's all so perfect. It's all so beautiful. I'm outside taking it all in, but I'm in it too. So, there's no where else I'd rather be.


WTF fest Blog #3

I love Shane and Amy Bugbee. They are my heroes. They have and are working so hard everyday on this tour to get all us maniacs together. They are the real stars behind the scenes. They deserve a lot of credit especially for putting up with all the bullshit we don't have to.

Road Warrior Blog #2 - Adventures in Portland

Veggie Sausages from a food cart on the street. 'Nuff said.

Last nights show went well. Monica and I got a ton of great footage. The one band, Explode-a-Tron?, were AWESOME and hysterical and super nice to boot. They will definitely make it into the documentary.

Right now I'm sitting in a beautiful outdoor area of the venue and jingling all my good luck bells that not only the place will be packed tonight but that I have at least one fan in Portland that will come out to meet me tonight. I've never done a west coast tour so this is all new territory to me. So please, someone hear my bells...

Monica and I will also continue to document and hopefully something fucked up and ca-ca-ca-CRAZY will happen.

Tonight the headlining band is Tokyo Death Stare and with a name like that my only hope is their music is just as awesome. So here's to beautiful Portland and its people. Bring me your heads!!!

Luv & Blood!

PS. My new hero is Esmerelda Strange!!! She is wonderful.


Day 1 1/2 of the WTF Tour Blog #1

So, after a hellish day of traveling Monica and I finally made it to Portland last night. We were welcomed with open arms into the home of Lonnie where Shane, Amy, and Shyla were waiting. It felt so good to finally be at our destination! After a few hours of delirious laughter we all hit the hay with heavy heads and light hearts.

We awoke to a beautiful sunny and HOT Portland. My skin welcomed the sun, my belly welcomed some breakfast, and Esmerelda welcomed us to her one woman band van, complete with travel companion Frijol the little black dog that travels with her in FerVANdo.

Now we are cruising down the highway on the way to Eugene. The spot of the first show. Dave Archer is probably already there loading in. For those of you who don't know he is, you should! He paints with a Tesla coil and some of his early work was of planets and used as "windows" on the spaceships of the original Star Trek series. Tonight Dave will be painting LIVE and I personally cannot wait to see that. It's going to be AMAZING!

This is only the first blog of many to come while I'm on the road. Also, I'm about to set up a twitter account for quick updates and pictures and I will also continue to post on Facebook.

So keep checking back to be a part of my west coast adventure!

Luv & Blood!


WTF Fest when and where you NEED to be!

The time has arrived, Monica and I leave tomorrow morning for the beautiful west coast. I hope to see many people I know & meet many new faces. Don't miss the show when we are in a town near you!!! Here's the schedule... April 22nd – EUGENE, OREGON Sam Bonds Garage 407 Blair, Eugene, OR April 23rd – PORTLAND, OREGON The Star Theater 13 Northwest 6th Avenue, Portland, OR April 27th – ASTORIA, OREGON One day – Two Shows!!! Performing Arts Center (PAC) 588 16th Street, Astoria, OR (all ages) KALA@Hipfish 1017 Marine Drive, Astoria, OR (18 & OVER) April 28th – SEATTLE, WASHINGTON The Comet 1pm – 1am 922 E. Pike Street, Seattle, WA Sunday, April 29th Seattle at The Rat & Raven 4 – 9pm (all ages) 5260 University Way Seattle, WA Keep up with me while I'm on the road by checking my blog and my facebook page. For more info about the tour go to Rock&Roll! Ruby

WTF Fest! SOS... Support Our Shit!

The WTF Fest is a collaboration of artists from all over the world who are gathering in the beautiful Northwest part of the country to celebrate all things art. There are painters, poets, musicians, filmmakers, photographers, comedians, writers, publishers, doll makers, performance artists, jewelry designers, spoken word geniuses, old, young, men, women, angry, happy, loud, quiet, criminally insane, criminals, or just plain insane, people who have made art their entire lives and do not do it for the fame or glory, the money or prestige, or for any other reason that it is what courses through their veins, the very thing that makes their hearts pump so ferociously, passionately, and even sometimes to their own detriment. But what isn't that what makes great art? Shouldn't it be the way to see into souls or go to places we have not yet dreamed of? Or maybe we have but were too scared to admit it. Shouldn't it make us happy and our hearts filled, bursting with excitement and spilling over into the very core of who we are and take us further to who we will become as we are creatures of everlasting change and evolution. However, revolution should also be a word synonymous with art. I have always believed that art should be dangerous, it should make some people angry and uncomfortable. If it didn't what would it change? It should challenge us, not just the artist but the art appreciator too, and that goes for art in all of its glorious mediums.

That being said...

WTF Fest!!!

Starting April 22nd in Eugene, Oregon the craziness begins.

We still need YOUR help. Please do not let the phrase "staring artist" become a reality to us who are working so hard on this tour. There are only a few days left but there is still time to contribute all dollars big or small count. Please please please visit the kickstarter page, read more about the fest, and donate today!

WTF Fest Kickstarter Page

Also, visit the website for the fest for a complete list of artists and all the tour dates and venues.

WTF Fest Official Website

I also have wonderful news for everyone who cannot attend any of the shows. At the beginning of this year Monica Puller and I started our own production company, Snatch Devil Devil Snatch Productions. We are going to be doing a documentary on the festival that eventually will be available for sale. I personally promise to capture every moment, the ups, the downs, and all arounds. In order to make one of my dreams come true, to make a documentary, I need all of you reading this to go to the kickstarter page and donate anything you can. For those of you in the area, that being Portland & Eugene Oregon, and Astoria & Seattle Washington, come to the shows!!! This tour is a once in a lifetime event.

Support dangerous art, fearless hearts, & the monsters inside all of us!!!

Don't be afraid to be deranged, support the WTF strange! There's a little of us in all of you, or we can arrange for there to be some. Fun, fun, fun!!!

Luv & Blood,
Ruby LaRocca

Ruby's Radical Prank Call Center

Yes, I'm on Skype! Please use for business purposes only. I've had surgery on my left hand twice now and I've barely been on the computer and typing with one hand is no fun! So, leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can... Wow, this feels so prehistoric, like having an answering machine. I love it!!!

My status

Luv & Blood!


March 6th, Forever

In remembrance of a great friend, a never ending ocean of knowledge, inspiration, love, and a creative genius that had that monster inside that will eventually kill all people who possess such talents. Today will forever scar my life as the date I lost the kind of person you are lucky to ever meet in a lifetime. The Roger Watkins. I still miss you. I still love you, always will.


Have a Heart For Horror Cookbook

I'm a published writer, YAY!!!

The "Have a Heart for Horror Cookbook" is for sale! Masterminded by Lisa Coffelt and foreword by Heidi Honeycutt. This cookbook has recipes by so many women in the horror scene I can't even list them all here! You can see a complete list at The Tasty Ladies List Just click on the "Have a Heart for Horror Cookbook" in the menu bar and you'll see all the talented women who contributed as well as how to purchase the cookbook and where the money is going.

Be careful with some of the recipes or you may end up losing a limb, or worse! Kitchen tools are dangerous (and fun) weapons! Be sure to try out my "Recipe for Revenge (Apple Pie)" it is as sweet as it sounds...

I'm really excited because this is my first official publication of something I wrote. It is a real recipe, but with a twist. It is a recipe for REVENGE after all. So I added a bit of gruesome, malicious, & delicious horror to my recipe. Let's just say that the final product is a bloodbath with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top.

I'm hungry! Who wants pie?

Love & Blood,


Don't run too far

We’re running on dreams. We’re running from our past.
Sometimes we run back towards it. Sometimes we are just stuck in it.
Like a beaten down tattered up car on its last fumes
Before it reaches what it used to call home,
When we should be running on something real.
We’re running on the intangible. We’re running on hope.
As we drive that last few miles on something we once felt
As if it mattered much more than that one moment,
When we should be running on something real.
We’re running from our nightmares. We’re running to our fantasies.
Like when we try to catch those last few moments of a dream
Just before we wake up,
We’re running on memories.
When we should be running on moments.
We should be running on something real.
We’re running on anger. We’re running for fear.
It’s eating us from the inside out, like rust under a shiny new coat of paint.
We’re running on distant memories that feel so close and new memories that seem a lifetime ago.
When we should be running on the everlasting.
We’re running on love that doesn’t exist and running from love that does.
We’re running low on love for ourselves.
When we should be running on something real.
We’re running for our lives. Gimme a reason to run and I’ll be gone.
I’ll give you a reason not to run and you’ll leave too.
We always do.
We’re running on empty. We’re running on nothing.
When we should be running on something real.
The passengers are still inside. Idle.
Stuck in their places. Frozen in winter’s heart.
The ride is over, the car has stopped, not running anymore.
We should have ran on something real,
We should have ran together.

For Jesse Ozmina

Love Always,


Say hello


Thank you to everyone who voted everyday and made this possible. Also, thank you to Erik from The Gore Hound

If you haven't already, I highly suggest visiting the site and often because there is constantly new content being put up. As promised, I will be doing an extra special gory & bloody photo shoot in honor of my new title as Gore Hunny of the Year!

Much more writing coming soon including my article on "The Super" for Killer Reviews

It's going to be a great year. I can feel it in my bones...

Luv & Blood,

Ruby Ruby Ruby
New website!


Vote for your favorite GORE HUNNY OF THE YEAR
Free polls from


This Just In...

I have so much news and so many unfinished stories. It’s been just over a year since my brain injury and I am finally feeling like I am getting back on my feet and I am feeling so inspired and motivated. It’s a wonderful feeling. I definitely would not have made it through the last year without so many people but especially Monica Puller, Joe Miller, Doug Mesner, Shane Bugbee, Rachael Deacon, Matt Dallow, Sean & Janine, Art & Alana, Michael Varrati, Jim VanBebber, Leyba, Mary my lil’ pumpkin, and everyone from acquaintances to complete strangers who reached out to me and encouraged me, shared their own personal stories with me, and showered me with love. I am definitely not done telling the story of all that has happened in the last year and I will continue it as I can, sometimes it’s the last thing I want to even think about and other times I feel like I need to explain more. So, the story will continue. For now I must say thank you and I love you to everyone but the number one person being Monica Puller. She is the most amazing woman in the world. She is so full of strength, intelligence, creativity, talent, intuitivism, patience, empathy, forgiveness, love, sentimentalism, foresight, passion, dreams, convictions, and the power to understand a person for their core and not the projections of themselves, the courage to forge her own path yet the loyalty to never leave anyone behind, and it certainly doesn’t hurt that she is unbelievably beautiful. I would have never made it through without her and I love her. We have a lot of plans for the future, including our own production company. We’ve tossed around a lot of names but as of right now we are calling it “Snatch Devil Devil Snatch Productions.”

So, now onto some news…

I am up for Gore Hunny of the Year! Please help me win!!! All you have to do is go to this link:


Scroll down and you will see a box on the left to vote. I was Miss August. The absolutely BEST part is, you can vote everyday! So, please help a lovely lady of horror become Gore Hunny of the Year by going and voting for me as often as you can, and thank you SO much for voting for me and to The Gore Hound website. If you vote for me please let me know by commenting so I know and I can thank you in person the next round of horror conventions or email me so I can send back a thank you note. My email is Vote for me!!!


This Sunday December 11th at 6pm there will be a screening of the AMAZING movie I was lucky to be a part of in Astoria Queens, NY. I will be there as well as many of the cast and crew. I personally will be taken pictures and testimonials from people about the movie for an article I’m working on for so if you would like to not only be able to see and support independent horror but the chance to be on my website as well as the article for Killer Reviews, please come this Sunday and take part. I would love to get some feedback from audience members for the article. The movie has been winning awards all over the place so I personally promise you won’t be disappointed. Here is the link with all the information on the event.

The Super

Hopefully I will see you there! It’s going to be a really fun night and it’s free! You can’t possibly say no.

I know I have much more news to share as well as thoughts, stories, poetry, pictures, and some good old fashioned randomness straight from my brain to the page but I don’t want to unload it all at one time. As more news comes up, be sure that I will be posting about it here, and like I said I’ve been inspired & motivated so I will be posting a lot more then just self promotional type of stuff and news. I’m back and ready to take on the world! So be ready, because I just might be hiding under your bed waiting for my moment to strike.

Like always ***I support dangerous art, fearless hearts, & the monster inside***

Luv & Blood,

Ruby LaRocca


Your Local News Update on the Ruby LaRocca Show!

Hey hey hey!

So, I have a bunch of movies to promote that are coming out soon but I hate bombing facebook with 10 posts in a row, so I'll share a few on here too.

First, Fangoria did an article on "Slaughter Daughter" which you can read here

Also, this is the new trailer.


Chris LaMartina & Jimmy George's new movie "Witch's Brew" premieres this October in Maryland. Check out the Dread Central article for more details. Dread Central


Much more news to come, as well as details on conventions I will be at this October which include Rock & Shock, The Kalamazoo Horror Fest, & Chiller Theatre.

Thank you to everyone who goes on facebook and "likes" the pages for both these movies, and thank you for taking your time out to read the articles and watch the trailers. I am really proud to be a part of both productions, and I can't wait for other people to see them too!

Luv & Blood,

The Ghosts Remained

First came the rain, then the flood. The house washed away, but the ghosts remained.

Don't lose yourself she says.
Don't lose yourself.

She has always said that,
since the first real exchange.

Don't lose yourself.
Don't lose myself.

What if,
I don't know that I am lost?

What if,
I don't know where I am?

What if,
I don't know where I am going?


Lose myself...
Yeah, it is a great big world out there 'aint it?

And I still wear the same clothes, the same braids, the same smile, the same tears, the same life, everyday.
So, what am I losing?


This heart will always beat the same rhythm.
This mind won't mind but will always wrap around itself too tight.
These hands will NEVER be fast enough to write what's going from my heart to my head to my hands,
and I will always prefer a pen and paper.

I'll never lose anything.
I'll never lose anything, except everything once in awhile.

**Now THEY look lost!**


Gore Hunny of the Month...

Is me!!!

I am officially Miss August on TheGoreHound website.

I had to write why I love horror movies in 200 words or LESS! It took me almost 2 hours because I wrote much more then 200 words and every single time I removed a sentence it still was too long. It was so hard to decide what reasons I love horror movies to remove completely and which ones to keep in. I could write a book just on why I love horror movies. Finally I got it down to 202 words, and decided it's only 2 words! I'll send it in and hopefully it all makes it in, and it did. Here it is, scroll to the bottom to see Gore Hunny of the Month.

Thanks to Erik from the site, and definitely check out some of the links I posted for "Slaughter Daughter."

Luv & Blood,



Horrorfind in Gettysburg, PA

Horror, Halloween and Supernatural - The Spookiest Show on Earth">

I will be at Horrorfind the first weekend in September. I am very excited, not only because I have a ton of new stuff to sell, but also because JOHN WATERS is going to be there!!! My heart is already racing. For any of you who don't know, I had him sign my arm and then went and had the signature tattooed into my flesh so it's there FOREVER! He is my hero, he is hysterical, and a genius. I can't wait to meet him again. I already picked out my two items for him to sign. Yes, I am completely geeking out over this, but I don't care because I LOVE JOHN WATERS!!!

I hope to see a lot of familiar faces, as well as meet lots of new people too! I'll have my camera in hand so be ready to have your picture taken too, and eventually ending up in this very blog. I can't wait!

Luv & Blood,

Killer Reviews

Lovely Ladies & Good Gentlemen,

I just posted a new blog on

Check it out!!

Rock & LaRocca!


August 2010 - "The War is Over"

See You in Casablanca

The wrinkles around his half open eyes slanted upward in a genuine smile as he said the words, “good-bye sweetheart” and I leaned over the back of the couch, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said bye. Even though the words were good-bye sweetheart, they rang in my heart as if he said “I love you” for the first time in years. That was the last time I saw my father alive. Two weeks later my mother would find him cold in their bed. Two weeks later my brother would be calling 911 as my mother screamed for him to wake up. Two weeks later Monica and I would be sitting in rocking chairs on the back porch of my parents’ house chain smoking cigarettes and making another photo slideshow for a funeral, deciding which Beatles’ song was more heartfelt. It felt like another project that I compulsively had to make perfect, even if it meant staying up till sunrise again. The pictures, the order they went in, the music and the order the songs went in, and the opening and closing, it all had to be perfect because it was the last thing I could give to my dad, just as two weeks earlier when it was Jen’s slideshow we were working on, except then we were in a basement as opposed to a porch, but I was just as meticulous with each photo and its placement and how long it stayed on the screen and when and where each song started and stopped. I had something to focus on other then the pain, maybe that’s why I spent such an enormous amount of time on them. Focus on the screen and I won’t hear my heart scream. Focus on anything but my emotions. It wasn’t real anyway right? It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. FUCK!!! I was looking at my father’s body in a coffin. He was skinny again from the cancer but hadn’t even been in chemotherapy long enough to lose his hair so he actually looked younger then when he was alive and healthy. His mustache was grey but it sat on his face just like it had been all my life. Was this really happening? I still couldn’t tell. I could hear the music from the slideshow. I could hear the whispers “that’s the daughter” meaning me, but I didn’t know where it was coming from. I could hear my mom’s voice talking endlessly but not forming complete sentences or complete anything, at least to me. I saw lips move and arms reach around me but didn’t feel the embrace. I heard my four and a half year old niece ask her mother and father, my brother, “when is Grandpa gonna wake up?” That’s when I snatched her from her cunt of a mother and went outside and sat on the front porch of the funeral home. She, my niece Alyssa, was real. Alyssa was real and I held onto her so tightly as if she were my security blanket and I was the sad four year old needing attention. The attention she gave me was perfect for the time because it was simple. Everything else in my life at that time was the opposite; it was complicated, depressing, stressful, nothing made sense, the bomb had gone off, the walls had already crumbled, and I was trapped under a pile of debris. It was easier to take a walk with my niece, my girlfriend Monica, and my three best friends Joe, Victor, and Jimmy. I couldn’t go back inside. In there was my dad, my past, my regrets, my anger, my sadness, and all the things that forever will be left unsaid. Like, “I love you sweetheart” instead of “good-bye.” I love you too Dad, I had plenty of reasons not to but something inside me still did. I’m sorry you never knew that.

Saturday Nightmares!

Come and visit me at Saturday Nightmares June 3rd-5th!
I will be there all weekend, and Nicola Fiore from Slaughter Daughter will be hanging out with me on Friday!

Slaughter Daughter

SLAUGHTER DAUGHTTER: Keeping it in the family just got a creepier meaning.

I am going to write a blog on about the experience of working on "Slaughter Daughter" but for you few special people who read my personal blog, I am going to put up some behind the scenes videos and pictures!

I have many more pictures and A LOT more videos but I will wait to post some more. Next Sunday is my last day of shooting, if the world doesn't end on Saturday. Lloyd Kaufman is in the big wedding scene too so hopefully I will get some more awesome pictures and videos.

I have to say this has been a really fun shoot and Nicola is amazing and Travis, the director, and everyone both cast and crew have been so great to me. It was really scary saying yes to be in this movie because of my physical and speech set backs from the accident that I have not fully recovered from yet. So I am so happy and proud of myself for putting that fear aside, or trying to, and rising to the challenge and being successful! I couldn't have done it without the love and constant support from my girlfriend Monica Puller. She is a rock star and I'm the luckiest person in the world to have her as my sweet peach. Thank you Monica, I love you!

Till next time...

Love & Blood,


And the star...

Nicola Fiore! What a gem amongst stones.

Slaughter Daughter

More pics from behind the scenes... That's my love Monica Puller!

Don't test the water, just jump!

From my first day on set of "Slaughter Daughter" starring Nicola Fiore.



Just two weeks away from Chiller Theatre where I will have for sale ZOMBIE BABIES! One of my newest films, so come get your copy!



And the Explosions Echoed Through my Mind's Night Part.1

*This next few blogs will chronicle my life from last July until now. There has been a lot of mystery and I plan on divulging the entire truth, so hold on for the ride*

July 8th - July 13th

It all started out normal, better then normal! The picture above is me and two of my very good friends Kyra Schon and Billy Gram. That was the last day of the convention when everything was all smiles and tearful hug good-byes. Four days earlier when I left for Indianapolis it was like a dream. I was an official guest and traveling with people who were heroes of mine within the genre, like William Forsythe, Gary Klar, Billy Gram and his sweet as peach pie daughter Mary who is like a sister to me. It was unreal. Cerina Vincent's table was next to mine, followed by Danielle Harris, Tony Todd, ect... We rode in a limo to dinner. I sat across from Tom Savini. The entire Romero movies room felt full of friends like the so lovable Bill Hinzman and Joe Pilato. All the "Lost Boys" were there and Brooke McCarter and Billy Wirth and great people and the end of the weekend would prove that even further. It was everything I dream of. Respect, love, recognition, meeting the most amazing fans, and all the unbelievable original artwork (look up Dick Starr) it just seemed to good to be true, and I guess it was.

That's when my Mom called. My Dad had been sick for about a month and my Dad never got sick. He had been bitten by a spider and got rocky mountain spider fever, but he just kept getting worse and the doctors could not figure out why. Well, it turned out it was pancreatic cancer. I fell apart. I sat in a circle "Indian" style with Billy, Mary, Brooke, Kyra, even Gary and Terry Wagner came over to console me, but it just didn't seem real. How can in one second everything go from perfect to shit, and WHY???

I have always been neurotic and kept a day job so I had to take a few days off for the convention. I was supposed to be back on Monday but by Sunday night it was clear there was no way I would make it. July was their slow season so I called my boss and let him know I'd be in on Tuesday. At the time I totally felt like Peter Parker and Spiderman, who's way cooler then Spiderbabe just FYI... Now I could have told my boss I just found out my Dad was dying and that's why I wasn't coming in the next day. Instead I told the truth. I didn't drive and my ride wanted to get some sleep before leaving so he wouldn't kill us all on the way home, and thank you Rob for not killing me.

The ride home was long, tiring, painful; it was all unraveling. I got to work on Tuesday on time and I could feel the awkwardness in the air. I wasn't even there 10 minutes when the boss' son called me in his office and "after reviewing" my file, fired me. I've never fled a scene so fast. (Anyone willing to prank call for me dial 1-888-3727363 and ask for Kevin.)

Up Next: The Good, The Bad, The Unemployed


P.S. This is Mary. 'Aint she darlin'?


Chiller 2011

April 29th-May1st!

Come and see me at Chiller!


Walking Tall

Cool, the act of being it has always been this lost treasure I'm trying to find. I never feel cool till I look back at a moment in time. During it I'm anxious, terrified, introverted, or too extroverted and loud and boisterous trying to hide the fact that I feel like gum stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe. If it was David Bowie's shoe I might feel cool, but I'm stuck to the bartender's, the one who is only there because they have to be and even they are eyeing the clock and the exit. Then when I look back just how cool something was and wonder why my brain couldn't compute it at the time. Maybe I'm too concerned with being cool, but anyone who says the aren't are LIARS.

I was going to write more about my recovery, but not tonight. Tonight I'll walk with my cane and feel like the coolest person in the world. I wrote some, I read some, and I danced with my love to Bob Dylan (after spending 4 hours in the police station) And cool, real cool is just the feeling in fall when the leaves are turning and the crisp refreshing breeze pushes the hair from your eyes and you glare from the setting sun but like it and are hopeful for the next time it happens.



Upcoming Conventions!

Come and see me at these awesome conventions!

From October 15th, 16th, & 17th

and of course come and see me at Chiller! October 29th and 30th!


Dylan Thomas, how I love thee

New tattoo! It's from a The Dylan Thomas poem "Do not go Gentle into that Good Night."


As real as it gets...

This is after the abortion scene in Zombie Babies. Those are real tears motherfucker! I am proud of myself, I have to admit, and really happy to finally shoot a scene with some blood, gore, and lots of screaming!!!

Zombie baby bump

There's my pregnant belly for Zombie Babies. It's kind of scary how real it looks!